TRP 334: Power Under Pressure with Emma Zia

[00:00:10] You're listening to The Rainmaking Podcast, hosted by legal dealmaker, author, and professional speaker, Scott Love. You're listening to The Rainmaking Podcast, and my name is Scott Love. Thanks for joining me on our show. I'm excited about our guest today and our topic today because of what it's going to do for you. Our guest is Emma Zia. She's a high-performing coach.

[00:00:38] She works with high-performing individuals just like you. She works with company executives, people that are looking to sell their companies, people that are going through a significant change, and she offers them wise advice and counsel on how to affect that change and reach their goals. She is the author of the book, Power Under Pressure, which is also our topic title for today's episode. I've read her book, and I'd highly recommend that you do also.

[00:01:03] And this is going to be a life-changing conversation that we're having today, my friend. I've seen this up close and personal. I've been in the recruiting industry for over 30 years. I've had literally thousands of conversations with high performers. Many of them are going through a time of significant change. There's a lot of pressure that they're facing. In my work, I talk to people every day who are performing at a high level, but I know some people just have this music that's still inside them that needs to be sung, and they're

[00:01:32] never going to reach that level of joy. I see people that just aren't giving themselves the full focus of their own joy, and I really believe that our conversation is going to help you today. I think that you will find joy and satisfaction which gives you greater achievement in your life by listening to the concepts and applying those from what Emma shares with you today. It's a little bit different than most of the other podcast episodes that we've had. This one will be one that I think will be a favorite of yours, so I'd highly recommend that you check it out.

[00:02:01] And also, if you have a moment, go to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to the podcast. Give us a nice five-star review. That helps out the show. I appreciate that. If you mentioned Emma by name, I know that she would appreciate that also. This podcast is sponsored by SharePoint Legal Insights, formerly known as Leopard Solutions, turning legal intelligence into opportunity. The show is also sponsored by The Rainmaking Magazine. Now, this is the companion publication to our podcast.

[00:02:31] It's a digital magazine, and now it's absolutely free. Totally complimentary for everybody that listens to this show and registers for the magazine. And you can do so. It's therainmakingmagazine.com. And that's where you can go to register. We've got over 40 contributing writers, authors, business development coaches, nearly all the people that you hear on this show. Well, you're going to see a lot of them start to write for a publication more in the near future. So check it out. I hope that that helps you.

[00:02:59] Thanks for listening, and I hope you get some great insights from my conversation from Emma Zia today. Hey, this is Scott Love with The Rainmaking Podcast. Our guest today is Emma Zia. She's the author of the book called Power Under Pressure, And I've read this book. I'd highly recommend it. And we're going to dig into this today. Emma, thank you so much for joining me on the show today. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited. Now, I want to dig into the book. I've read your book. It's really helped me out.

[00:03:27] I told you before I read part of your book to my wife and my 14-year-old daughter, because I think that you've uncovered some key solutions to challenges that people have and things that keep them from reaching their full potential. Kind of dig in a little bit. Maybe start with some of the things that you shared within your prologue about the contractor and the expander. Tell me a little bit about that, Emma. Yeah.

[00:03:49] So when I was 12 years old, I had a very profound realization that really changed, to be honest, how I move throughout the rest of my life, especially when pressure hits. And that realization was that we have two voices in our head at all times. We have the voice of what I call the contractor and the voice of what I call the expander. Now, the contractor is our most familiar self. It's, you know, it's our identity that's been building for years and years.

[00:04:18] And it's the voice that comes in when pressure arrives and it says, you can't do this. You're not enough to do this. Who are you to go do that thing or be that thing or experience that thing? Whatever it is that it's telling you. But then we also have this other voice, which is the expander. It's the voice of our truth. It's the voice of our expanded self. And it's also the voice of possibility. And when I was 12 years old, I was faced with a choice because I felt so much pressure in my life at that moment.

[00:04:47] I felt very contracted at school. I felt very honestly, I was just questioning why I was even here. It was this overwhelming sense of what is the point in even being here in life if this is what it feels like, if I'm just every day feeling heavy and down on myself and, you know, all of those things, which I'm sure a lot of your listeners would have experienced at some point in their life, as we all do. And so I realized in that moment with the contractor and the expander that I have a choice.

[00:05:16] Which voice am I going to listen to? And I chose in that moment to listen to the voice of the expander. The one that said, Emma, there is a version of you that isn't in this pain. You do get to be confident. You do get to belong. You do get to become this version of yourself. You can feel deep down is there, but you just don't know how to access it. And so from that moment moving forward, I realized that that voice was going to be the leading energy.

[00:05:40] And every time pressure has arrived ever since, whether it's business collapse, personal collapse, whether it's to do with finances, relationships, all aspects of life, I'm faced with that choice. Do I listen to the voice that says, let this contract you, keep you safe, keep it predictable, keep it familiar? Or the voice that says, Emma, this pressure is your personal curriculum. It is showing you something in yourself.

[00:06:06] It is allowing you to become someone different if you choose to see it that way. So let this pressure expand you, not contract you. What's interesting about what you've mentioned, the contractor, many of the people listening to this show have been listening to that contractor voice. In fact, they've been trained to listen to the voice of avoiding risk, of not taking a shot, of not doing what you want. And I think because in my work as a legal recruiter, I talk to them on a very personal level.

[00:06:33] I think there's a lot of unhappiness among people that are professionally practicing, especially within the practice of law, because they're trying to avoid the risk for their clients. But I think more often than not, it does impact their own choices for their own personal satisfaction and career satisfaction. And they've chosen to snuff out that expander voice because the contractor voice's goal is to keep them safe, as you mentioned in your book.

[00:07:00] The intention of it is to keep you safe, but it keeps people from really singing that song that's deep within them that they've always wanted to sing. And so tell me about the framework that you've written about in your book. How can we hear that voice of the expander and listen to that voice more than the contractor? How would you recommend people kind of walk forward in understanding these concepts, Emma? Absolutely. So I'd say there's three components to this.

[00:07:26] The first one is the recognition that pressure is there to build you, not to break you. I truly believe that if you're an ambitious person, you're going to be a magnet for pressure. And that's what your clients, everyone listening to this, will experience. Because when you're out there in the world, you're, you know, if you're in law, you're fighting the good fight. You're, it's a lot of pressure day in and day out. So you've got to realize that it actually gets to be a game that can build you into your highest potential. It doesn't have to take away anything from you.

[00:07:56] The second part of it is realizing that in order to change who you are from the inside out, because I believe that you cannot outperform your inner world. So your business, your sales, your results, your deals, all of that can only be in proportion to your internal capacity. So if that's the case, then in order to change your inner world, you've got to realize that it actually takes quite a lot of momentum

[00:08:23] to keep feeding thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions into who you want to be, rather than who you've been rehearsing to be up until this point. So in order to break the familiar self, the familiar patterns that the contractor essentially activates in you when pressure hits, you've got to know that you've got to put momentum behind who you want to be in order for that to really shift. And then the third part is the core part of the framework, which is the six hidden unconscious patterns.

[00:08:53] Do you want me to kind of give an overview of what those patterns are? If you could, can you review those other three areas that you mentioned again? I just wanted to make sure we kind of had like a summary of those, and then we'll kind of dig into those six different blocks. Yeah, absolutely. Do you want me to talk about pressure as curriculum again? Yeah, pressure as curriculum, that was one of them. And what was the second one that you mentioned? That you cannot outperform your inner world. Right. So when you actually want to expand and tap into your highest potential,

[00:09:18] you have to put a lot of momentum into who you're becoming and stop putting so much attention into who you have been. That's great. Was there a third one that you mentioned also, Emma? That's the patterns, the six hidden patterns. Okay, good, good. So let's dig into that then. Let's talk about these six different patterns. Did you call them blocks or did you call them patterns in your book? Patterns. Patterns. Okay, good. Yeah, six hidden patterns. So I've worked with high performers across so many different industries over the last nine years.

[00:09:44] Everything from founders trying to scale a startup to CEOs doing a nine-figure exit, all of these different levels of pressure, should we say. And I've identified that there's six core patterns that keep returning time and time again. Three of these patterns are what I call the excessive patterns. So this is where when pressure arrives, whether it's a pivotal decision, a breakthrough opportunity, or some sort of personal collapse, instead of kind of being neutral or going backwards,

[00:10:14] you feel that you need to push harder. You need to work more, right? These are the overworkers. This will lead to burnout and all of those things. And then the other three patterns are what I call the deficient patterns. So this is when pressure hits, you actually hold back, hold in, shut down. So the excessive patterns are imposter, overdrive, and chaos. Imposter, pretty self-explanatory. I'm sure we've all experienced that in some way, shape, or form on this podcast.

[00:10:44] But that comes from the belief that who you are is not enough. So if you're running the imposter pattern, when pressure hits, you'll either go into two different faces of the imposter. And I call this the dimmer or the inflator. The dimmer is someone who undersells themself. When there's a big deal on the table, they pull back. They let the other person have control. They don't actually truly see their gifts and their strengths and their talents. So they'll always hold themselves back from opportunity.

[00:11:13] An inflator is the opposite. They'll say that they've got better results, that they've got better stats, that they've made more money. They'll inflate who they think they are because both of these faces, the dimmer and the inflator, are essentially trying to cover up the fact that they don't think they are enough as they are. Then we've got the overdrive pattern. This is very common in entrepreneurs. The overdrive pattern, again, self-explanatory, it's where you just can't stop working.

[00:11:39] There's this belief that more work equals better results, which as we know is not the case. Okay. I mean, look at Warren Buffett. He makes what? Like one big financial decision a year. And he's one of the most famous investors to ever walk this planet. So the overdrive pattern is born from the belief that rest means you're losing. So you always have to keep going. This leads to burnout, decline in decision quality, amongst many other things, which is going to affect your business.

[00:12:08] Then we've got chaos. Chaos comes from the fundamental belief that predictability isn't safe. So this is the person that will have shiny object syndrome. They'll start something and then they'll go to something else and then they'll go to something else. And there's this real lack of follow through. And so they actually aren't able to build something sustainable, scalable, or also that carries a really strong reputation because they're always going from one thing to another. Then we've got the other three patterns.

[00:12:38] We've got fortress. Fortress comes from the belief that if you're vulnerable, you're weak. So this is the person that won't let anyone see them struggle. So when pressure is there and they feel like they need to speak to someone or they kind of want to share the load a little bit or, you know, basically it's a real connection piece. Instead, they isolate themselves because they believe that if someone sees them struggling, they'll lose their authority.

[00:13:07] Then you've got the freeze pattern. And freeze comes from the belief that decisions carry catastrophic consequences. Now, again, this is all unconscious. This is the person that when faced with a pivotal decision, they'll overthink. They'll tell themselves, I'll just wait for certainty to arrive. Oh, I just need to gather more information. And then they miss opportunities and opportunities that are meant for them go to someone else because they just don't move. And then you've got the last one, which is control.

[00:13:36] And this is from the belief that letting go means losing. So this is the entrepreneur or the manager who will delegate tasks and then take them back. Or their team are never quite pulling their weight. And they always have to jump in and fix things and manage things. And they can't quite build a business or a practice where it's not reliant on them because they feel that they can't fully let go. And so they become their own bottleneck. This is fantastic.

[00:14:05] I appreciate this framework here, Emma. So this is good that you give us a construct on how we can help high performers really remove these impediments to their success. Let me ask you, since you've shared this structure with us, what do you think those pitfalls are that people need to watch out for when they're going through these shifts and these changes in their lives? So, for example, when you've worked with people and they're understanding the concepts that you've taught, what are the impediments they need to watch out for as they're going through these changes?

[00:14:35] The voice that tells them that there's something wrong with what they're experiencing. So I work with people at critical inflection points. And I always say to them that everything you're experiencing right now, even if it feels incredibly challenging, is designed to show you something. It is designed for your own growth and evolution. And it's up to you as the person to say, I am not my circumstances. I am experiencing and interconnected with my circumstances.

[00:15:04] But I get to see what these circumstances are showing me about myself. It could be a lesson. It could be an opportunity for wisdom. It could be an opportunity for internal integration. So healing. I truly believe that there is nothing coincidental in life. I really believe that life would not hand us anything that we were not equipped to handle. So when pressure hits, you have to realize that that is your personal curriculum for the person that you are meant to be and become in this lifetime.

[00:15:34] And when you operate and move through life from that perspective, you realize that there is nothing that is taking you down, taking you away from your true potential or trying to break you. You realize that all of it is in favor of your growth and evolution. And so it gets to be a game. Even though it's going to feel difficult, it gets to be a game.

[00:15:57] Speaking of games, there's a line that you wrote in your book where, and this is on page 26, you say that pressure is your personal curriculum. You say that, and you mentioned just what you said, nothing in life is truly random or coincidental. It's completely and strategically aligned to communicate to us what we are ready to see, hear or experience for our own evolution. And I like this, what you said. Think of it like a PlayStation game. Each level comes with its own challenges.

[00:16:22] No matter how many times you face them, you can't skip to the next level without breaking through the current one first. What do you think helps people to really break through that level more than other things? What are those variables or those choices of decisions that you've seen really help someone accept that concept and push through things so they can go to the next level? Well, the first thing kind of adding to what I said before is do not fight reality.

[00:16:48] I see so many high-performing people waste their precious time in life because they're trying to fight their circumstances. They say, why did this happen to me? I don't deserve this. I don't understand this. Why is this happening? There's all of these questions which you're just wasting time. Do not fight reality because that actually only intensifies the pain. And I can't remember who said it, but pain is inevitable in life. Suffering is a choice.

[00:17:17] If you try and fight against your circumstances instead of accept that it is what it is because otherwise it would be another way, then you're actually only going to be intensifying the suffering. So the first step is to really be in that place of this is happening for me, not to me. That's the first place to break through. If you do not have acceptance, you will not break through the pattern. You will not break through the level. Your acceptance is key. Do not reject reality. Accept it. It is what it is. You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it.

[00:17:47] The other thing I would say is recognizing that you are not your circumstances. Again, as I touched on before, you are actually the awareness behind those things. So if something happens in your business, for example, maybe you lose money. You have to understand that, yes, that comes with challenges. You're entangled with it. But you are not that money. You are the awareness behind it. You are experiencing that. But that is not you. Okay?

[00:18:14] Because otherwise, if you lost the money, your complete sense of self would disappear with it. Just like we know that we're not our thoughts and we're not our emotions, because when a thought disappears, we're still here. If an emotion moves through us, we're angry one minute and then five minutes later we're not, well, I'm still standing. So I'm not my anger. Right? And it goes the same with circumstances. So you create this level of non-attachment and that is actually the place where freedom exists.

[00:18:44] And then the other thing I would say is self-awareness. That's the most important thing. What does that mean exactly? When you say self-awareness, how would you define that? It's having a non-judgmental view of what you're experiencing. So it's contemplating on what's happening in your life or this block or challenge that you might be experiencing without being directly attached to it. You get to witness it. What are the thoughts that you're having about this experience? You know you're not your thoughts.

[00:19:13] You're the observer behind them. So self-awareness is sitting there watching the thoughts that are happening or the emotions or the physical sensations or the circumstances. So self-awareness in this context is really about contemplating from a non-judgmental place about who you are or what you're experiencing in this moment right now. And that is where the six hidden patterns come in.

[00:19:37] Because when you can actually become non-attached to your circumstances just long enough to realize that your internal world is in some way, shape or form the cause or the catalyst for those circumstances, you get to understand that when you change how you're operating inside, your reality outside has no choice but to conform to it. It will at some point match the internal shift that's happened.

[00:20:04] So when you can have the awareness to look at the patterns, where am I maybe in control right now? Where am I trying to grip tighter as soon as the company wants to scale? Where am I maybe being the bottleneck? Or maybe it's the chaos. Where am I going from one thing to another and I'm telling myself it's progress and momentum when actually it's distraction? So it's just about having that awareness and realizing in my complete honest opinion, I think one of the best things to do is to challenge the thoughts we have or the perceptions we have and say,

[00:20:32] what if I'm wrong about this? What if I think it's one thing, but actually it's something different? And if I sit in that place of all of it is okay, there is nothing wrong with any of it. There is nothing wrong with me. And you sit there and you can be aware of everything that's going on in your internal world. You actually have control over it. You're in your power. And that's why it's power under pressure. That's great, Emma. Tell me about someone that you've worked with. You don't have to mention their name, of course, but what was the challenge that caused them to reach out to you? What did they do to make those changes?

[00:21:02] And what was the result of that person that really went through some of the concepts that you teach people? So one story comes to mind. I worked with a client who came to me feeling very stuck. He had not made any sales for I think it was about six months. He had already built a previously successful business. He was good at what he did. He had good infrastructure. The product was good. No new sales were coming in. He said, I don't know what's going on.

[00:21:29] So I did a session with him and I could instantly see that he had this belief from childhood that he was always on the outside. He was bullied. He was outcasted. He was never chosen. He was always the one on the outside. And so he had been able to build this successful business, but he couldn't let it keep going or scaling because unconsciously he believed and saw himself as someone who was never quite there yet.

[00:21:59] That was still on the outside. Never quite the top dog, the A player, the chosen one. And so we did some work in our session together. Four weeks later, he says, Emma, I've just had 60K cash collected. So he went from no sales in however many months to 60K cash collected in four weeks purely because he realized that there was a hidden belief in perception. And as soon as we shifted that, his reality conformed.

[00:22:29] That's fantastic, Emma. So I want to thank you for being on the show. I want to thank you for writing your book. I think this book is a gift to people, especially in the business world, because I talk to them every day. You know, they're buttoned down. I know they're brilliant. They went to the best schools. Their children are beautiful and they know everything. But I think they have an impediment that they can't see. And I think your book really helps them see that. And beyond it, it gives them a framework to solve that problem. How do I know?

[00:22:57] Because I read your book and I see this. Like I mentioned, I shared it with my wife and daughter. I think it's that powerful. And to the person that's listening, if you're someone that is not where you want to be in terms of your life, not just your profession, but your life, admit to yourself you need to grow. Order Emma's book and start from there. And Emma, before we end, tell us three action steps. If somebody is willing to get started on this journey of growth, where should they start? What are three action steps you can share with them?

[00:23:26] Well, the first one would be get the book and start to see where you see yourself in the patterns. And different contexts in your life will activate different patterns. So the pattern that is most blocking you in your relationships might be different to your business and vice versa. So it just gives you that template and that map of transformation and self-awareness.

[00:23:49] The other thing I would say is start to get really familiar with what the voice of the contractor and the voice of the expander feels like for you. This is something that I still use on a daily basis. And it's really, really helped me to identify when I'm going into that smaller self, the one that wants to keep me safe. And it will tell me not to make a certain decision or take a certain leap when actually it's just lying to me. It's not necessarily the truth. It's just trying to keep me safe.

[00:24:16] So the way to do that is I ask everyone listening, if you were to think of a moment, maybe you're in it right now, maybe it's a past moment that you can recall where you felt rejected or overlooked or not enough or less than, whatever it is for you. And just notice what happens in your body. Does your chest get tight? Does your head start throbbing? Does your head look down? Does your breath tighten? What is the physiological response that's happening in your body?

[00:24:46] And then call in a moment where you felt so expansive. The last moment that you felt fully alive, fully open to life, receiving all of the infinite abundance and opportunity that's available to you right now in this moment. And then notice what happens in your body. The chest open, shoulders are back, head is high, breath is light and expansive.

[00:25:08] When you start to recognize that, when you go through your day, you can so quickly realize, ah, I'm in the contractor because I can feel it in my body. It's a visceral response. So then you can catch yourself in its tracks and say, right, how can I lift my chest open, breathe open, you know, expand, being that expansive energy and vice versa.

[00:25:30] Now, I have a personal rule where I don't make any big decisions when I'm in contraction because it's only going to be based off of my identity filter of how is this going to keep you safe? Whereas if it's from the expander, well, there's no limits. It can take me as high as I want to go. It will always calibrate me to my highest potential. So that's just a really good visceral exercise that all of your listeners can do just to recognize when they're in that contraction versus the expansion. Another action step.

[00:26:01] I'm going to say this. See if you can focus on being fully in the present moment right here, right now. And the reason I say that is that we get so lost in our own minds, in the noise of our thoughts, in the noise of our identity and trying to figure out life that we completely forget to actually live it. So that's my invitation. It's not even just an action step. It's an invitation for everyone listening.

[00:26:28] Just bring your full awareness, your full attention, your mind, body, your heart, your spirit to this moment right now. And notice how you experience life differently. Because in that place of the present moment, there is no limitation. There is no overthinking. There is no space for your identity to try and hijack your true potential. In that moment, you just are. You're in your beingness. And nothing, nothing can ever beat that feeling.

[00:26:57] Thank you for that, Emma. And thank you for being on the show. And before we go, tell us more about your services and offerings. And we're going to put all of your contact information, including the link to order your book, on the show notes. So anybody listening to this, just go to the show notes. Wherever you hear the show, you'll be able to connect with Emma directly. But tell us more about your offerings that you'd like our listeners to know about, Emma. Yeah. So I work one-on-one with high performers, so business owners, founders, leaders, specifically at critical inflection points.

[00:27:25] So if you're stuck, if you're confused, if you don't know the next five steps, you want to help with your direction, you want clarity, you come to me. So I do a one-off session. And then I also do a three-month container if you're wanting that kind of longer-term partnership to really help you through a transitory period. So those are my two main one-to-one offers at the moment. I will be having other stuff releasing soon, but not just yet. And if you go to emazia.com, everything will always be updated there. That's great.

[00:27:54] We're going to put that link on the show notes as well. Emma, thank you so much for being on the Rainmaking Podcast today. Thank you so much, Scott. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for listening to the Rainmaking Podcast. For more information about our recruiting services for international law firms, visit our website at attorneysearchgroup.com.

[00:28:15] To inquire about having Scott speak at your next convention, conference, sales meeting, or executive retreat, visit therainmakingpodcast.com.